First, I'll say why I understand how exhausted you are. Then I'll take a stab at trying to think up some useful points:
I have grown kids. They're spaced in a way that meant I went for a solid seven years without more than three hours sleep a night. I was five months along with my premie when I stopped being able to sleep, and I didn't sleep a solid six hours until he was seven and his baby sister was three. My husband had his own business, worked long hours, and this was in the time when technology businesses were struggling. I had the eight-room house, the cars, the yard, my kids' education and medical stuff, etc. etc. - and generally the type of thing you have going on: little sleep, lots of stress, trying to work (I did some part-time newspaper writing and other "project work" when I could find it.) My inlaws lived a couple of hours away, and my mother (a widow) had so many people she was doing things for there really wasn't the option of asking her to come over and help.
I was one of those people you talk about who did it all happily (although chronically exhausted). I'd be up early and stay up until 3 a.m. weeknights. Once my youngest child was three I did start to get six hours' sleep on weekends. Still, I was pretty much a combination of the Energizer Bunny, Mary Poppins, The Little Red Hen, and Clark Kent. My kids were 15, 10 and 7 when I went through a scare with my mother when she was hospitalized. That added visiting here and generally be scared (and then the inlaws had some serious health problems). After all the scares with grandparents passed it was summer, and I decided I was going to take a "vacation". The kids didn't have school, and I planned to stay in the house for about a week, read, listen to music, and just hang out each day. (Again - 15, 10 and 7 - they had their friends to be with, and I was there in the house. I could hear the younger kids outside in the yard. I just planned to kind of take it easy myself for a while and not do anything for a few days.) I was not depressed. I was tired - not "emotionally exhausted" or "in need of rest", just plain old tired and smart enough to finally take a "vacation". Well, that got the husband the mother "all worried" and talking about whether I was depressed. I wasn't "acting like myself". Well, I WASN'T. I decided I needed to be someone else for a few days after living my life as a busy working person and then busy mother for a solid 20 years. When I started to hear the talk about "being depressed" I cannot tell you how angry I was. "Everybody" was "worried", and I started to hear talk about "maybe seeing someone" (!!!!!) THEN, when I said, "I'm fine. I just needed to take a few days to do nothing" there were the insinuations and looks that implied, "Oh sure, that's what they all say when they deny they have a problem." Again: !!!!!!!
One of the biggest husband lines in the world is "every other mother does it", but no husband in the world can possibly know what "every other mother" does (unless they're the at-home person taking care of the child/ren the way they need to be taken care of and being the only one who cleans and runs a household and trying to earn an income, but even then many men have a lower standard of what's good care for children because many don't have the "maternal thinking" that makes women set the bar higher).
As far as "possibly useful" ideas go, I'm not sure I have any, but I'll try:
The first thing is you need to eat foods that will give you a good energy level and help your brain remain calm. I've found that tuna salad seems to be very helpful (and it turns out that a mental hospital in my state actually discovered there's s scientific reason for that). Eating protein and just a little fat (eggs, cheese) can help (even though in the long run fat isn't good).
You have to be calm with the baby because if babies sense that mothers aren't calm they'll be more irritable. A baby five months old does need your attention. It isn't clear to me whether he's "squealing" (in five-month-old delight) or "screaming" because he's miserable. When babies do "attention screaming" it isn't that they're thinking up how to be demanding. They're actually in need of attention. Usually, if you're calm, pick them up, sooth them, maybe walk with them or rock them for a while (etc.) they'll be more happy to sit or lay somewhere and "play" more. Babies his age usually need a nice balance of sitting up in a seat, laying in a crib, maybe sitting in a different seat, etc. They're too young to move themselves around, so they get bored. Giving him the attention he needs (not wants) usually, in the long run, will make a baby calm and happy and not in need of extra attention.
There's a chance you could use a little iron (eat Total cereal), but there's also the chance you have "adrenal fatigue". What happens is a person under chronic stress tires out the adrenal gland, which usually gives you enough "boost" (through elevated cortisol levels) to keep going. If your adrenal gland "runs out of juices" or is just generally over-worked you can get so you have trouble dealing with the things you need to do. Unless there is serious adrenal gland problems (which would be serious disease), there isn't really any medication for adrenal fatigue. What people are told is to eat a healthy diet, get plenty of rest, and stay away from caffeine. Well, who do that - right? Anyway, one problem you could have could be related to that type of exhaustion (whether or not your adrenal glands are functioning well but you're living in chronic stress, or actually compromised to some degree). One thing that is often suggested is making sure you get B vitamins, folic acid, and all the other things we're all supposed to get each day.
Feeling very alone is a sign of depression, but it is also something that a whole lot of mothers of babies (particularly those dealing with money worries and no help from anyone) feel as well. If you were to think about seeing a counselor to see if you may have depression, I think you should go in knowing that you need to bring up the fact that your life is stressful and that you aren't crying "for no reason". Of course, from people I've known in similar situations, even telling counselors/doctors that the "mood" isn't "for no reason" doesn't stop them from offering anti-depressants. I guess they don't know what else to do about it. I, personally, think counselors should be ready to give tips and tell husbands to kick in more help, but I've never heard of one who does that (maybe, though, they exist if someone can find one who would be willing to approach the problem that way).
If there are ways to make the housework easier for yourself that's something to think about. Use paper dishes if you need to. Cut down on the number of times you vacuum. If doing a small load of laundry at any given time is easier than doing huge loads, break down the laundry into small, easier-to-put-away, loads. In fact, break down all projects into small, easier-to-do, parts. Doing just "one quick little part" is easier to deal with, and if you just do a thing here and another thing in a little while, eventually even the biggest projects get done.
My kids are grown now, but I've had some things going on for a long time that mean I kind of deal with exhaustion, myself. I've become pretty skilled at finding ways to keep going in spite of it. Also, I'm a pretty organized person by nature. I don't know if I can at all be of any help, and I have no way to know if - maybe - you actually do have depression, but feel free to e.mail me through my profile. Obviously, I can't make any promises about being able to come up with any helpful ideas, but maybe some of the things you have going on could be improved if you made a few small changes in how you approach some of them.
Contrary to what "some husbands" think about "other mothers", you aren't alone. What you have going on is pretty common. Whether or not I can be of any help in offering ideas I don't know (because so much of the time when we have too much to do we, ourselves, have thought up all the ideas, tried them, and figured out that don't work for us). I'd be willing to give it a try, but also there are sites (like CafeMom) and other sites that are for mothers (or parents) and that are aimed at helping people find others who are dealing with similar situations or have found ways to make things better for themselves.
I don't know if these links will be over any help, but they're my attempt at trying to offering helpful useful information. The first batch are my version of keeping housework organized, easier, etc. Following that is about babies. Following that is about you, yourself, maybe finding a way to feel better/less stressed. What works for any one person can be very different from what works for someone else. (I'm honestly not trying to promote my own writing. The reason I write online is that I've found it gives me something to do that is enjoyable and offers a break from an otherwise stressful life.)
The House:
The Baby
Finally, you haven't raised this issue (and I feel like I'm bringing up the unthinkable), but I think you and your husband need to be aware of how things can creep up on marriages. I'm not implying that your marriage is at risk right now, but I've learned, through experience and generally paying attention over the course of my life, that the small stuff can keep adding up in even seemingly good marriages.
I don't pretend to know what you can do to make things better in your situation, and I have no idea if my thoughts/opinions or even researched articles will help. It's just that I know how - when all is said and done - young mothers who are trying to manage babies, a house, and work pretty much have to figure out their own ways of managing things; and how sometimes the only real problem is the money issue. Then, too, though, living under too much stress for too long can eventually affect your physical and mental health - so considering the possibility that any of us may have depression always makes sense too. So, whether or not you look at any of the links I included, if you haven't done this already, maybe look up (on more than one reputable site) symptoms of depression. Most people a couple of the signs at one time or another even if they don't have depression, but you'll know if you see a few too many or if you think they're lasted too long.
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